Enjoying Every Day!

A long time...

2011-02-28T17:17:00.000-08:00

As usual it has been a long time since I last posted. I don't know why it takes me so long. I enjoy blogging and I sure enjoy talking but sometimes it just feels more relaxing to read about others lives then express my feelings on my own. But today is worth blogging about.

For the past 6 months we have housed two beautiful and exhausting foster girls and Friday they move on to a new home. They are going to a more permanent family. Not their biological family ( the only way they will get these angels back is if Jesus himself lays a hand upon their shoulders and they are truly born again) Not saying it is not possible, just highly highly unlikely. No, these girls are going to another foster family. One that does not have any biological children. One with a good reputation. Best of all one that is open to adoption!! We love these girls but we are not adopting them and they need to be with a family that will truly be a forever family. Hopefully this family is it.

I conclude this chapter in my life, wiser, more mature and most of all appreciative. Handling four girls under the age of 6 every hour of every day for the past 6 months makes my two seem like nothing. I am so appreciative of my life. I am so appreciative of my parents. Billy's parents. The amazing opportunities we have had in life. To be loved, have a true childhood, go to college, come home and still be loved. It sounds so basic but now that I have been a mother of two highly neglected children I realize what a luxury love is. We all deserve it but that does not mean we all get it. I am thankful. I am happy. I am loved and best of all I am able to love.

Doing Better

2010-11-09T17:10:00.000-08:00

Thanks for the positive comments last post.- The boost was greatly needed

I am doing much better now. For some reason putting a completely honest but weak picture of myself out in to the world seemed to help calm me and give me clarity. Crazy how that works.

As of now we are BEGGING our case manager to have a therapist evaluate one of our children so that they can give us an accurate assessment of the child's mental state, needs, and a practical plan that we can implement in our home. Unfortunately after 5 calls in two days it seems our Case Manager is MIA. Hopefully I will hear from her tomorrow. Only time will tell.

In other news... I am a working mother again. Work was actually the easiest part of the past two days. Extremely busy and tiring, but I feel confident and in control running the preschool and teaching my high school students so it is a welcomed comfort. It has been so long since I have taught (5 months) that being back is kind of like reading a novel I have read before. It is the same story but each time I read it I notice something different then before. Also I feel so prepared for the twists and turns to come in the story that I can sit back and just enjoy the ride! (but I will never enjoy the 5:15 am wake up call!)

But without a doubt I would not be able to survive any of this without the loving support of my hubby bubby. So here is a picture montage of my husband completing his first triathlon back in September. He impresses me so much each day but particularly with his level of commitment. Anything and Everything he takes on in life he gives it 100% come hell or high water and I am in awe of that quality of his- hopefully it will rub off on me more and one day I can post a picture montage of my first triathlon :)

He finished his first race in 6th place for his age group-112th out of over 400 competitors and that was with a 20$ mountain bike from goodwill and a beatup pair of reeboxs (that literally fell apart as he was running) A-MA-ZING!

My title is a farse!

2010-11-07T11:17:00.000-08:00

Alright, so I must admit I titled my blog on a good day with optimism in mind. But the truth of the matter is that I try to enjoy every day but I must say some days just stink!

Lately I have had more than just a few of those. Having four children in your home under the age of 5 (two of which were handed to us 6.5 weeks ago and told good luck!) is a very very very hard job. And is basically, on average, 35% enjoyable and 65% miserable.

It is not so much the amount of children in the home (two of them are mine- one of which is almost 5 months old and an absolute angel!) but it is the amount of problems and issues the two new children came with on top of the "regular kid stuff"

Most days I just feel like a warden full of do not's, stop and the never ending strand of NO!! (when they try to run each other over in the power wheel)

And I just feel like I do not have what it takes to be a foster parent. I give them everything they need and could want for. I have Christmas all planned out, school pictures purchased, church twice a week, positive reinforcements multiple times every day, natural consequences, logical consequences, time outs, distractions, reminders, redirection and no matter how hard I try sometimes I feel as though even though I am making some progress it is not substantial enough or worth all of the unhappiness I feel to get there.

And to be bitterly honest I just want to quit. I just do not feel like I have what it takes to do this well and maintain some sort of happiness in my own life.

I do not have a doubt that I am capable of physically doing this task for as many months as is necessary. But doing this gracefully and to the highest standard that I hold myself to as a parent- that I know I can not do.

My family tells me you have to find it in you- and my question to them is what if it is honestly just not there? What if I am "digging deep" for something that I do not have within me. Going to the bottom of the well to find the treasure within and realizing there is nothing there but dirty water lined with mold, mildew, and the occasional spider.

I hate to be so negative- I really do- I am a natural optimist through and through but sometimes I feel like I have already dug as deep as I can go and there is just basically nothing left except extreme guilt if I actually were to give up. The kind of guilt where you will hate yourself for many years to come for not being as strong as a person as you thought you were.

For those who do not know, I am a teacher I have been for the past 5 years of my life and for all of you teachers out there- teaching is a drop in the bucket compared to foster parenting. This is all day every day no counting down till 3:00 when the buses arrive and you have "your own life"

My own life is gone.

I sound very selfish right now, huh.

I am at a loss.

Fall Fun

2010-11-01T11:15:00.000-07:00

Billy, the girls, and I had a fabulous time this weekend!!

We hit up the fall festival, pumpkin patch and trick or treated our little booties off!

My feet are aching today!

And our house is overloaded with chocolate goodies- not such a goodie for my waistline though!

The girls and our little D(addy)-son! (everyone thinks Addi-son is a boy) were too cute- even if very few people can tell our precious little angel is a girl!

(In their defense she was dressed very ambiguously)

Since last time....

2010-10-28T17:46:00.000-07:00

Being that I have not blogged regularly for 2 years! Here is a quick update on what has been happening for the past 24 months......

Purchased our first home a year and 1/2 ago

and of course.....

decided to start 12 different do it yourself upgrade projects on it and have yet to COMPLETE any of them

Life was great as a family of three but

we decided we wanted to expand our family and so we..

Had our second child Addison Joy in June.. her name could not be more appropriate she

ADDed so much joy that we...

Took in two young foster kids in September (they are an adorable handful- I wish I could say more but for everyone's best interest that is all I can say about them for now)

and finally...

no more maternity leave for me :(

I go back to work full time in November- I do love my job but I will never love any job enough to leave my baby for it!

And those are the happenings of our lives in southwest florida...

To post or not to post

2010-10-19T11:48:00.000-07:00

I have decided to attempt to begin posting again. I have a hard time sticking to things for too long- I tend to obsess for awhile over one certain thing- idea, color, food and then afterwhile I get over kill and quit. But I think this might be theraputic for me to blog and therefore I shall try again.

Life as of now- two is the magic number!

two daughters of my own

two foster daughters who joined us 2 x 2 weeks ago

a little over two weeks until I go back to work :(

celebrated two birthdays this past weekend! Jason's 30th and mom's bday (keep that number a secret)!

the tooth fairy brought gabby two dollars last night for losing her second front tooth- first thing she told me when she got up this morning! too precious!

saw a fantastic noah's ark play at church two weeks ago!

a little over two months until christmas!- have you begun your shopping yet?

5 things I am Thanful for:

All my girls- even though you all exhaust me every day!

Hubby bubby taking over last night since I was sick- taking care of 4 little girls, laundry and cleaning the house- what a man what a man what a mighty good man!

getting help this week with the cleaning of the house- doubling the amount of children in the home seems to more than double the amount of cleaning needed

getting my toes done this weekend!

Addy being such a fantastic baby and blessing!

Pumpkin Patch

2008-10-29T19:24:00.000-07:00

Hello again fellow bloggers!! This evening we had our first family outing to a pumpkin patch! We went to the First Methodist Church in downtown Fort Myers and got a huge pumpkin and some adorable pictures of Isabella's first pumpkin patch! Billy and I have been very busy as usual, over the long weekend we went on a cruise to the Bahamas! We had a great time and even got to swim with dolphins!! It was awesome. But right now we are preparing for Halloween weekend! Tonight we went and got our prized pumpkin, tomorrow we carve him, Friday we take Bella and the puppies for her first trick or treating, Saturday we have an adult halloween party and Sunday is Taste of the Town along with the Fall Festival at the church! phew!!!! :)

But thinking about all of our fun family to do list has made me think about how greatful I am to have one, so here goes my top 5:

1. A healthy happy child. I know this is a regular on my list but Lord we are so blessed to have such an angel!
2. Halloween!!!! What a fun day, we get to dress up, eat candy, and bond with our friends family and even make new ones trick or treating!
3. My mom getting to spend so much time bonding with Isabella over the past few months, it really has been great for all of us!
4. John and Kate plus 8! I know that sounds like a silly thing to be thankful for but watching that show has really shown me the importance of tradition and all the fantastic different kinds of family traditions you can have, I have definetly been inspired!
5. Making new friends in Fort Myers! We had a great vacation over the weekend with some new friends from Billy's work and our party this weekend is with some more new friends! I definetly feel that for now, this is the place we belong and that is good feeling!!

Off to bed now, hope to blog soon!!! :)
4.

Home at last!

2008-09-30T07:23:00.000-07:00

Well today is a wondeful day spent at home with my baby girl. Thanks to the public school system recognizing Rosh Hashanah, I get the day off!! yay!! Isabella is napping right now and that has given me the time to post on my blog. Between working full time, traveling to see family about every weekend, and raising our little princess the blog unfortunately has been put on the backburner. Anyhow let's play catch up. Fall is in the air and alot of exciting things are going on in our lives. Last weekend we went to my future sister-in-law's bridal shower in Ft. Lauderdale. We had a really great day with our family and friends over there, and the shower was beautiful! Only 2 more months until the wedding (they are getting married the sunday after thanksgiving-pictures to come).

We are currently getting our house ready to decorate for halloween, I love halloween and I can't wait to start putting up some of our items. Also goodwill had some really cute halloween items, I might swing by there later on today and pick some goodies up! :) Can't beat a good deal! This weekend Billy, Isabella and I will be staying home!! (first time in a long time) so I am uber excited about that. Sleeping in, lounging around the house and also getting alot done too! And then on Sunday we are getting some great company, Billy's brother Bob and his wife and two children are coming for a visit, along with his mom. So we will enjoy their company.

So that's what's going on in the Cape and here is a my list of gratitude in no particular order on this beautiful day!

1. Florida State football doing so much better this season!! It is so great to relish in a seminole victory!! GO NOLES!

2. Making the time this weekend to enjoy my husband and our home. I am so fortunate to live with such a wondeful husband in such a beautiful place, and to finally stay home on a Saturday and enjoy it was heaven!

3. Holiday season!! I love the holidays, and I equally love when they are over, haha, but for now I am just going to soak in the preholiday excitment I am experiencing!!

4. Making enough money with my husband to be able to make good financial choices. With the world and economy the way it is right now, having two stable jobs, healthcare, and good hours really makes me appreciate our small yet comfortable status in this world.

5. Of course ISABELLA!! Watching her grow and laugh is so exciting. She has a walker where she sits in it but her feet touch the ground so she runs around down stairs and she loves for us to chase her and her to chase us! This is the first major interactive milestone she has experienced. I can't get the image out of my head of her laughing out loud with her 3 little teeth!! It is the cutest thing I have ever seen!

Hope to blog soon, but until next time I am doing my best to enjoy every day and here is a quote I got from one of my students that I found so profound.

"Life is not a journey you take, it's something you create"

Long time!!

2008-08-26T19:03:00.001-07:00

Long time since my last blog! I don't know if anyone is still out there but if you are, here are the happenings in the Cape:

Things have been pretty busy around here lately. We had my nieces and nephew come for a little less than a week (they are such fantastic kids!) Then the day they left we had my best friend Lauren (bless her heart) come all the way down from NC and babysit Isabella on her only vacation of the year!! Talk about a good friend! We had a good time though, we got our nails done, mildly creepy....my pedicurist seemed to enjoy the massage a little too much :0, went out for drinks and I really just enjoyed the company of a good friend. As she would put it she had a great time and ~no worries :)~. I started work at the HS and I must say I am really enjoying it, the students are great and so is the staff. My only problem is missing my little one. Which can be a big problem, but at the same time she is in good hands (my momma) and this is a great benefit for our family. Other than all that we are just living life, I am a whole lot more tired now than I have been in a long time, waking up at 5:30 is taking its toll. On that note I am going to hit the sack but before I go I would like to end with my list of grattitude :)

1. I am grateful for my husband and daugther. They are such happy and healthy people I am very blessed. Also my mom, to take the time and energy to stay here with us during the week and help raise our little one!

2. This new opp. to teach, I love my subjects (child dev. and parenting) I just hope I can do as great of a job as I feel these students deserve!

3. Fried chicken, macaroni salad, potatoe salad, rolls, blueberry pie and ice cream! What a fantastic dinner... Hey some times a girl just needs some soul food!!

4. Having so much family around, although they may not be in our immediate vacinity, everyone is no more than a few hours drive, we are very fortunate for that.

5. Our fabulous friends on our block! What a welcoming committee we had moving to this neighborhood, it feels as though it was meant to be!

On a lighter note

2008-07-30T07:41:00.000-07:00

My last few blogs have been a bit deep and as one of the folks who reads my blogs said they almost made them cry....so on a lighter note I thought this blog could just be a little up date on the goings on of Isabella, Billy and I. Over the weekend we had a great time hanging with the neighbors (Jason, Lucero and little Anthony) (They are the other folks above in the pics, besides my bro, Billy, Isabella and I for those of you who haven't met them) and going to the pool. Monday Billy was having "a case of the Mondays" so Isabella, Rusky, Corona and I surprised him after work. We picked him up and took him to the dog beach! It was actually a great time, the dog beach is located on Lovers Key just south of Fort Myers beach. Rusky loved retrieving the ball from the Gulf and Corona actually did his first deep swim. I packed dinner and a little wine to top the evening off! It was a great time. We have a lot of it on video but totally forgot to take any pics until we were on our way out. So the pic above of Billy and I in our crazy cowboy hats is from that evening and then I included some random ones of Isabella and friends.

Tonight the plans are to go over to Father Tom's place (the coolest Polish Priest anyone could ever meet). Hangout with his brother, his wife and adorable daughter, as well as Jason, Lucero and Anthony. It will be a night of good food, good beer and great company! And yes the beer consumption includes Father Tom, apparently Priest are allowed to drink, who knew! :)

Randy Pausch- An Inspiration

2008-07-28T07:16:00.000-07:00

Hello all.

The picture above is titled "Chasing the delight of childhood dreams" and I felt it was most appropriate for the topic at hand.

I originally started this post as a persuasive piece to have you go to youtube and watch the Randy Paush last lecture. The intent was pure, because it effected me so dearly and positively I just want everyone to experience it but I thought about it and decided how about I just tell you my experience with listening to his words and hopefully that would be enough to entice even the most skeptical to at least check it out.

Quick background: Randy Pausch was a Professor at Carnegie Mellon University and he died over the weekend of cancer. Before leaving CMU he did what all Professors do, he gave a Last Lecture, and in his lecture he gave such a fantastic speech that it hit youtube and become an international success. Randy has a wife and 3 children under the age of 7 and knowing he only had 3-6 months to live he shared with the world the enlightenment of a life lived as if the whole time he only had 3-6 months left.

How it effected me: I am not a writer, and so my words could never be eloquent enough to do him justice but what I can say in layman terms is, his lecture is amazing and eye opening. It made me self reflect on my life and gage where it is compared to what I dreamed about as a child. And from there take the necessary steps to merge the two. You see Billy and I both have been putting off graduate school. Our brick wall is the debt of a degree. It's a very practical reason. But practicality and actuality of living the life you want are in no way complimentary of one another. And so we have decided that it is better to have an extra bill for the next 10 years and continue our careers in the things we are most passionate for then maintain the status quo of spending 40 hours a week at a job that put in a gentle way is a bit "lack luster".

Radical idea I know, but I truly believe that is how one's life becomes great, by stepping out of the box and granting yourself the space to create the greatness you were made for.

So Billy's starting the necessary classes in the fall and I am taking the words of wisdom Randy used and bringing it to my classroom setting this fall as a teacher. These are our baby steps into living the life of our childhood dreams.

But I urge you, check it out and have your own reaction, and then RUN WITH IT!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo

I hope you enjoy it and please feel free to comment and let me know what you think of it!! I would love your feedback

PS He also did an excellent speech on good time management (he should know) at UVA, its also on youtube and for all of you left brainers out there it is very concrete advice that you can implement in your life immediately! I actually watched it this morning and that is what I am basing my day around today! :)

Good luck and enjoy!!

The best for Isabella

2008-07-24T20:11:00.000-07:00

Tonight about an hour after I put Isabella to sleep, I heard her very upset in her room crying. I ran up stairs to see what was wrong and she was asleep with her little thumb in her mouth and tears running down her face. I immediately picked her up and woke her up holding her tight and whispering its okay sweetheart, and I just wondered what could my little angel be dreaming about that would bring her to literal tears. And after awhile she was fine and went back to sleep without a problem and for the first time since having her I really felt like a mommy. Don't get me wrong I have always had that maternal bond with her and motherly instinct but up until this point I have soothed her when she needed her physical needs met i.e. hungry, or tired, or wet. But tonight I soothed her emotional need because she was genuinely sad, whatever was going on in her little head made her sad enough to cry in her sleep and broke my heart but at the same time warmed my heart that her mothers touch and cradle was true comfort for her.

She is sleeping soundly now and all I can think about is how much as a mother I just want to protect her. Protect her from everything ugly this world has to offer her, and I know it's impossible and eventually she will experience all the things that make us human, getting her heart broken, friends no longer being friends, seeing the reality of how inhumane humans can be, but I also feel it is my duty as her parent to shield her as long as possible from all of the ugliness in the world. My mom once said when it comes to what you expose your children to try and keep their innocence as long as possible. Shield them because once they have seen the ugly of this world you can never erase that from their minds, regardless of how you explain it or whatever they saw it is eternally scared in the mind and in their heart.

So my gratitude tonight is more of a hope. I hope to be the positive person and treat myself, my husband, our friends, and family and anyone else who we encounter with the grace, kindness and warmth I want Isabella to view herself and the world with. And I know this, that the only way for her to experience that love for herself is to see it in those who surround her, so God grant me the clarity of mind and purpose of heart to be the person I want my daughter to be one day. A woman of grace, character, laughter, strength, kindness and true inner beauty.

Employed!

2008-07-22T18:53:00.000-07:00

Well it is official, I got the job! The HS went ahead and signed me up today as a new teacher! I am really excited about this opportunity, I'll be teaching a child development course that teaches the high schoolers how to work with kids. It is actually something I have always wanted to do, teach others how to work with children in the hopes of making them better equipped parents and therefore they will produce more stable and happy children which will effect society as a whole in a positive manner. Idealistic I know, but you have to start somewhere.

On another note, I dance danced revolution-ed it tonight, it was fun but not as great of workout as I hoped. I am really feeling inspired lately to take charge of my life and fitness. I saw Dr. Oz on Oprah and now would really like to get more active.

On to my list of gratitude

~ Getting the job-which in turns opens doors for us financially

~ My husband cleaning up after dinner tonight

~ The ability to afford organic groceries

~ Reading the ABC book to Isabella today (one of my favorites)

~ The ants slowly retreating from their invasion on our home the past few weeks!

Paperwork, Paperwork, Paperwork

2008-07-21T12:28:00.001-07:00

Well I had originally written a post about the few papers I had to sign for this new job and our weekend with our nephews, but now unfortnately I changed the post because of this disrupting news.

I just got a phone call about the new job, apparently there is a test I need to take before they can hire me. Problem is the test isn't available until September, and school starts in August. Sooo....there are a few loopholes for me to get the job that the school can do if they want but it would be easier for them if they just took the person who got 2nd place in the interview process and be done with the whole thing. I am feeling confused right now, I am not as upset as I would think I would be and yet I am not happy about this either. It is probably because thankfully Billy and I are in a position that this job for me is more of a blessing and a bonus than anything necessary. Basically we can pay the bills on Billy's salary, and this would be for all the fluff in our life (that really isn't necessary, but in america we are acustom to a certain standard of "play money" and a large backup savings.)

So this is where the lesson of patience comes into play. I have one more paper to fax regarding this issue and then it is up to the school to make their decision and there is nothing left I can do....so we just wait

On a happy note I added a cute picture of Isabella :) Something about your child's smile no matter what happens, it will always warm your heart and make whatever is going on seem so small

Welcome Blog

2008-07-16T21:48:00.000-07:00

This is my first experience which such technology but very exciting. It's almost 1 am, rarely am I up this late but this is the only time I would ever start such a thing. I have a new job begining in about three weeks and I am excited but also sad to think about leaving my baby girl for 8 hours a day! :( But I know in my heart that it will be fine and hopefully through prayer and faith my mom will be able to be my little ones "Nanny". I just need to put it out in the universe and believe in it. My husband is doing well and we are so excited that with this new oppurtunity we will be able to purchase our first home! Now comes the hard/fun part of finding the perfect place for our growing family. We hopefully will have signed papers on our dream house by February (when our lease is up) I am hoping that in each blog I can reflect and sometimes just list a few joys from the day so here goes:

~ Signed my official paper of intent for my new job (HS teacher)
~Finally made Billy and I Dentist appointments!! (small joy, but a much needed one :)
~Admired the beautiful thank you flowers from my brother
~Had another beautiful day with my loving husband and baby girl